Cracking the Boy's Club Code by Michael Johnson

Author:Michael Johnson
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781600379826
Publisher: Morgan James Publishing

You Are Truly Exceptional!

In terms of risk-taking, we’ve seen how men “act as if” they can do something—whether they can or not—because it helps them increase their status and stand out from the rest of the pack. I wouldn’t suggest you try that strategy because it’s not likely to be authentic for you.

I will encourage you, however, to start giving yourself more credit for the things you are capable of, and what you have already achieved. Remember, men are ready to present (OK . . . to boast) about their accomplishments at any time in order to win the one-up/one-down contest inherent in many male interactions. Women, on the other hand, do not usually keep a laundry list of their achievements in the back of their minds to call up on a moment’s notice. Additionally, women tend not to appreciate how an achievement in one arena can be transferred to another.

When I worked with Lorena, for instance, and we did the “Exceptional You!” exercise (which follows later in this section), she told me, initially, that she had not really done anything out of the ordinary in her life. She said she was “. . . just an IT consultant.” As we talked further, she revealed that she was caring for her aged mother in addition to raising her own family. I found that extraordinary! As we probed further into what she actually did every day, we came up with a long list of accomplishments and capabilities. Think of the attention to detail and patience needed to care for her mother. Think of the incredible management skills she developed and used to make sure everyone in her family was taken care of. She also had an amazing ability to remain calm in the face of all of it.

After thinking about her daily life, Lorena began to realize that the demands of her work world—upset people, tight deadlines and unreasonable demands—were really no different than the kinds of challenges she was taking in stride in her personal life. Viewed from that angle—and acknowledging her “transferable achievements”—she realized that anything that happened at work was a “piece of cake.” As she began to acknowledge how capable she really was, Lorena’s confidence grew to the point where she doubled her fees and expanded her business, simply because she stopped and recognized the strengths she already possessed.

In my own life, I went through a process similar to Lorena’s, when I discovered that I had capabilities beyond those I thought I had. It started when I quit smoking. I began smoking when I was in my early teens, having an occasional cigarette with my fellow classmates. A year or two later, however, I found myself smoking almost four packs a day! These weren’t light, filtered cigarettes, but Camel cigarettes—unfiltered. One day, I finally had enough. Cigarettes were getting expensive, my clothes reeked of smoke, my fingers were stained, and I was beginning to get a cough. I decided to quit, cold turkey. I have to admit that it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

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